PRELUDE TO YET ANOTHER NOWAT

{click me}

Ahhhhh Yes, Dear Hearts and Innocent Bystanders, as the scratchy strains of RULE BRITANNIA fade eerily into the background we are happy to announce that it's:

HIGH TYME for another NOWAT!!! 

And the NOWAT series will never be the same again... or so we're told.

And why RULE BRITANNIA you ask?  

Welllll... Once Upon A time... 

[Uh Oh, he's startin' that stuff again!]

OK...OK... Many Ages ago, or maybe quite a few years back, or...

   "Get on with it!"

   "Yes Dear."

Sooo, several years ago in another life, Two Very Dear Friends of Uncle Chuck & the Ever-Lovely Dragon Lady, Donna & Lenny Tempelman once worked with The Dragon Lady at BellSouth Advertising and Publishing. [Who will hereafter be referred to as "The Templeshifs" {he'll explain that one later} or D&L {not to be confused with DL]  

And over the years they have spent many a happy celebration together, from Birthdays, Anniversary's, New Years Eves etc. to the "Templeshif Wedding Cruise", [yeah, they took 24 hearty souls along on their honeymoon]    

But ever since The Templeshifs "Retired" to Las Vegas many mango seasons ago {and created a Highly Successful Catering Business - so much for retirement}, visits and celebrations have become too few and far between.

Until now when they all "jointly" agreed that it was "high tyme" to rectify the situation. 
The significance of these "references" will dawn on you as this NOWAT progresses.

{Hang in there.... he's getting to it}

Now first, you must know that D&L are ardent cruisers, having achieved "DIAMOND PLUS" status with Royal Caribbean, and they have been after the Chucky and DL to travel with them again for some time now. Over the past several years, one thing after another always seemed to have gotten in the way, not the least being 2 little guys named Dave & Jon, [along with school and their parents work schedules].... until now.

It was after The Templeshifs Australian cruise and subsequent Circumnavigation of New Zealand followed by a trans-Pacific re-positioning cruise to Seattle, which was then followed by a Mediterranean Cruise, with a Trans-Atlantic ship Re-positioning which was just prior to a trip to Israel... 
[Yeah... they're Wacky Tourists as well]
that D&L announced that a Cruise Around Britain out of Amsterdam was being planned for the summer of 2017. 

And... thanks to Dave & Jon's summer trip to visit the other Abuelo & Abuela in Colombia, HUZZAH!!!
Chucky and Dragon Chic were able to squeeze in 2 weeks for this cruise. 
{WTF?!? Who says HUZZAH nowadays?!?}

Whew... that was a long way around to explain... ummm... uhhh...
What was the question again?

Oh yeah... Rule Britannia - which, if you've been paying the least bit of attention rather than just glazey-eyed skimming this diatribe - explains the Title, Graphic Header and opening music of this particular NOWAT.  

And yes, for those who DID pay attention during the "Wrap Up" of: 

NOWAT - THE CAPITOL 2017 
Dave & Jon Do D.C.

THIS Trip Around The British Isles is what he alluded to there and Donna asked him not to discuss until properly introduced.

Sooooo... on the 24th of June, Chucky and DL hop another DELTA flight to Amsterdam via JFK [PULEEZE... NO DRAMA this time, the past 2 NOWAT had all the DELTA DRAMA we need for some time to come].
They'll spend a couple days catching up on what they didn't get to do last year on the way to that Gremlin plagued, Swollen Rhine, Viking RiverCruise 2016. 

Upon landing in A'dam, they'll join up with the the "Templeshif Entourage" [D&L + 3 other couples who D&L met along their various adventures - yeah... they still travel in a pack - all of whom have become great friends and travel resources and now + The Wacky American Tourist & Ever-Lovely Dragon Lady- hereafter referred to as the TE10].  

Much more will no doubt follow on this eclectic troop of peripatetic, pre-geriatric, fun-seeking, party-animals in the ensuing posts both prior to and during the cruise.

Now for the Basics:

A 12 night Cruise around the British Isles on Royal Caribbean's [of course] Vision of the Seas out of A'dam and as usual there will be plenty of tours of Rocks, Ruins, Castles, Pubs and most importantly... Scotch Distilleries - hereafter referred to as: [R-R-C-P+D] for which HE may post links to and pics of, or not, depending on his down time, speed of internet service, his mood, the amount of Scotch consumed that day... etc. 

With stops in:
Bruges [with tours to Brussels and beyond], 

Edinburgh, [R-R-C]

Inverness, [R-R-C]

Greenock {Glasgow} [C+D]

Dublin, [R-R-C+P]

Cork, [R-R-C]

St Peter Port [Hunh? - sumpin' about cows.]

and back to A'dam for any missed museum or tour and maybe one last "high tyme" for good measure, before flights home.

Suffice it to say, as always, he WILL take you along, Step by Painful Step, so you too will get to see, hear and taste whatever they get into [Although some serious imagination might be required for the taste part] 

Ok... Nuff4Now, there's plenty of time in the coming weeks for HIM to concoct more obscure if not clever {and hopefully} witty tidbits for your amusement, enlightenment or whatevah. 

Lastly, since this Adventure of The Wacky American Tourist & The Ever-Lovely Dragon Lady involves the home of his Favorite Beverage he's off to Toast it All... with You-Know-What.

Ciao 4 Now,

Uncle Chuck & The preparing for another Great Shoe Hunt,
Dragon Lady

DRAGON MATH

Please indulge us a minor digression from the usual Pre-Trip Preparation Parlez for what we would like to call a "teachable moment".

Today we will endeavor to acquaint you with that little known 

{but widely respected at Casa d'Chaos} 

magical exercise known as:

Dragon Lady Math

Here goes...

So, we all know that 1 + 1 = 2, right?.

Therefore 2 + 2 or 2 x 2 should both equal 4, right?  

Uhhh, not so fast.  

Using Dragon Lady Math, if you were to add D to the equation and try it algebraically, like trying to solve for x, or in this case D, 

you would then have 2 x 2 + D = 0. 

Say What?!?

OK… let's try it this way

2 people spend 2 hours [2 x 2] at DSW [+D] resulting in 2 x 2 + D=0

or maybe: 

2  x 2.5 + D = 0, 

  {NOWAT-TOSCANA2011}

or there was:

2 x 3 + D² = 0 

    {Also NOWAT-TOSCANA2011}

OK lets's try: 

2 x 1.5 + D = 0

    {NOWAT-CARIB2014}

Culminating with the usual results:

0 - "ZERO, NIL, NADA, ZILCH" - 0

As in 0 shoes acquired in the many forays to DSW prior to a NOWAT adventure. 

OK, OK… 

Yeah... Dragon Lady Math is really all about the results of Stage 1 of this year’s: 

Great Shoe Hunt.

For those new to NOWAT, or those who just nodded off during past adventures, we have often noted that the Ever-Lovely Dragon Lady seems genetically obliged to make an annual pilgrimage to DSW to scrounge for walking, or traveling, or whatevah shoes for the upcoming adventure, or just for grins... whichever comes first.

 

And of course, “you-know-who” must trudge along to assist in the hunt and/or carry the bag of possibilities... as in: 

“let’s start with these, I’ll try them on 

again later and sort them out then.”

We also know that following the Dragon Math examples above, many forays have been, for the number of hours spent x 2 people involved, highly unproductive resulting in many 0 scores. 

{With the minor exceptions of last years unprecedented NOWAT-RIVERCRUISE2016 Triple-score} and one time Chucky scored some Docksiders while she "whiffed at the plate", {baseball fans will get that one} leaving her to mumble Select Spanish Curses under her breath all the way home.  

Well now dear hearts and innocent bystanders, you'll be happy to know that last Thursday's trek to those Purveyors of Pedatarsal Pain… err… uhhh… Fashion, resulted in: 

2 x 2 + D = 2 

{HUZZAH!}

No... you're eyes do not deceive you, 

{and yeah, he used Huzzah again}  

And... unlike normal math where 2 x 2 = 4, 

in Dragon Math It's... 

2 hours x 2 weary people + DSW = 2 pairs of shoes for her, 0 for Chucky, which in the scheme of things is a big win for her {and less "Agita" for him} compared to past excursions.

Now, we’re not saying this is the only foray for what-to-wear or add to the packing ballet for this adventure, but she just had to brag about Finally having success on the first try.

Be aware that while reading this over HIS shoulder, SHE advised that after a Pre-Pack sort {as in a trial Packing Ballet}, an excursion to the MALL [a favorite 4 letter word] has been scheduled for tomorrow so stand by, it's next door to... Where else - DSW.  

{Will the excitement never end?!?}

That’s all we have for this post, you may now return to your Marathon Parcheesi game or binge watching past seasons of House of Cards... or whatevah.

Chucky on the other hand has to run out to Total Wine and More, 'cause we’re fresh outta Sumthin'-Sumthin' for HER coffee and You-Know-What for HIM.

Ciao 4 Now

Uncle Chuck & The smugly celebrating her score,

Dragon Lady

COUNTDOWN TO THE PACKING BALLET

Maybe this should be titled

Dragon Math Part Deux

2 x 5 + 3M / 2.5 = Uhhh… what was that formula again?

or better yet,

Failed Forays

As here we sit after no less than 3 extemporaneous excursions: 

1 mall, 2 local strip centers, no DSW [wonders never cease] and a partridge in a pear… {oopps, wrong NOWAT.}

The net for all this running around is:

2 blouses, 1 light sweater and 0 [count ‘em] 0 shoes. 

Looks like those “gotta have casual sandals - that can be dressed up” may not make the trip.  Yeah, she whiffed again on the shoes but seems to be ok with it… today.

So today it’s “Closet Chaos & Clutter Clearing” time where she stands in the closet alternately trying on “Dis & Dat” which either:

gets rehung, put on the “Maybe Rack” or the Good Will Bag begins to swell.

The Good News is that all the morning power walks at T-Y Park coupled with all those IsaGenix Supplement Shakes and Late Night Cookie abstinence has paid off BIG TIME.  She is now fitting into stuff once destined for the GWB and she is getting giddy over it.

   “Look Honey, These FIT!!!

   “Oooohhh, I can get into this now!”

   “Ugh… these jeans gotta go!”

And so on.

Chucky’s “Stuff”, on the other hand, is already on the “This Goes” rack, just waiting to get bagged by Thursday, knowing the REAL Packing Ballet won’t start till Friday night.  Which, of course, won’t end ‘till he drags the bags to the car for the trip to the airport… and even then:

   “Oh Honey… Got room for this…?”

And of course he is really intent on getting her to be frugal with “ensembles” and opt for mix & match to reduce the load, hoping to be able to get it all into the “Carry On” bags.

Since there is no direct flights to A’dam, he hates checking luggage for connecting flights, especially since they’re getting on a boat and thus no place to deliver “mis-routed bags” that finally catch up.

So yeah… he’s delusional if he thinks SHE will be taking a cruise without:

  “But I gotta take this cute {fill in the

   blank} for Formal Night…

   Oh and These gotta go too… and….”

OK… so he’ll have the BIG bag standing by, but ya just know he’s gonna try and jam it all in… one… last… time, as she throws one...last.. thing on the bed for packing.

   "Hey, there'll be no room for"IT"

    if you keep this up!"

"IT" being the oversized blow-dryer she insists in taking everywhere instead of the nifty little travel-sized dryer he bought just for these occasions... but oooooohhhh nooooo

   "It's too Loud and doesn't get 

   hot enough... and... and..."

And then it will be Scotch Time.

Ciao 4 Now

Uncle Chuck & The still sorting “Stuff” in the closet,

Dragon Lady

CUE MUSIC-THE BALLET BEGINS

As reported in past NOWAT but again here for the new subscribers, the process of:

She puts it on the bed, he “stuffs” it in the suitcase, she takes it out and puts it back in the closet, putting more stuff on the bed to be packed is called - The Packing Ballet”.

This year’s exercise will proceed as usual with the “trial pack” of HIS STUFF just to see how much room he’ll have left for the late additions to HER stuff that won’t fit in her bag.

Yeah he really thinks he'll have room left considering this is a 16 day trip that includes a 12 day cruise with no DIY laundry aboard an RCL ship since he normally packs for 7 days and washes as needed.

AND… he really thinks he’s gonna get all the STUFF she usually takes, plus cruise stuff into one carry on and a small back pack.

Stand by for CHAOS

{no, the usual departure kind comes later}

Truth be told, he couldn’t contain himself, got the itch and started Wednesday night resulting in minor frustration with the packing cubes he tried on the trip to DC with Da Boyz.

It seems that he can pack them so tight that they initially may hurt, not help his military style of “Stuffin’ it in the bag”.  A few adjustments – there’s always adjustments – and he figured out how to account for the space created by the handle tracks in the bottom which usually got stuff wedged in tightly.  Not an ideal solution, but good for now.  And… there is some minor space left for her Last Minute Stuff… {Fingers Crossed}

So for the most part, he’s done.  SHE on the other hand has procrastinated in confirming that mall - Walgreens - DSW runs have concluded, as well as it will probably Friday night before he gets it all on the bed to begin the Ballet.

Side note:

The Grand-Sons and their parents have come down with some “Bug That Is Going Around” according to our resident Nurse – Cristina. In fact they're so sick that DL had to call our favorite Cuban Joint for chicken soup and Cuban Sandwiches which she picked up and delivered to the bug infested household.

Now Chucky is gobbling all sorts of Vitamin C compounds and drinks to fortify his Chemo compromised immune system.  Last thing he needs is what’s “Going Around” to latch on just as he climbs into a flying cigar tube for 12 hours of compressed air time in very tight quarters.  Dragon Chic on the other hand just poo poo’s it all and will take her chances with hugs from the little infected ones.  Chucky hesitates to remind her that a hug from a sick friend several years ago sparked her vacation long head cold during NOWAT-ITALIA 2001.

Oh and the Templeshifs reported that they were packed and airport bound early this AM for a head start on their “Assault on A'dam”.  The rest of the - now TE10 [we lost a few] will arrive a day later. 

We don't get there 'till very early Sunday to spend half the day recovering from Jet Lag and have our first of many dinners with D&L, planned for the 5 & 33 in the Art'Otel, right across from the Central Station, a cute little Sicilian Spot [yeah, they're eating Italian in Holland], go figure.

That’s it for now, SHE is headed to bed, HE is taking one last look at his check list, the overstuffed bag and of course…

the Dewar’s supply.

Ciao 4 Now

Uncle Chuck & The Chicken Soup Delivering,

Dragon Lady

FINAL PRE-CHECK, I THINK

A little whining, a little pout, Sad Puppy Eyes and Chucky is putty in her hands.  Well almost.  

He does have his limits and so does the LUGage.

   “Uh, Honey, this blouse goes too.”

   “Puleeezz, yer killin’ me here!”

   “Oh and these slacks gotta go.”

   “Gawd give me strength!!!”

   “What was that?

   “Nothing Dear.”

Yeah… the ballet is almost over, with a little dis & dat “gotta go here”, and some “Oh and this too” there… little by little she is stretching the capacity of her “carry-on” but ya know what… He’s making it fit, new packing cubes and all.

That was until Dinner Wear magically appeared!  Ok… OK, he had snuck a peak and had already accounted for its special space and HUZZAH {Really… still with the Huzzah?} He’s done and the LUGage can still close.

Of course some extra stuffing in the outer pockets may need re-shuffling at the TSA PreCheck line to fit in the “carry on measuring thingy”, but for now… DONE.

Oh… and the still Sick and Contagious grandsons had to be dropped off while Mommy had to handle a patient issue soooo… let’s just forget about that hugging sick children warnings… and guess who has a bad case of the sniffles and sinus headache.  Yup, HER.

HE on the other hand just has his usual sinus drip, ear ache and nagging… Nevverr Miiiind.

So, as she sniffled along trying to hide her oncoming discomfort from HIM, HE makes another trip to Walgreens for more cold supplies, in addition to the packets of EmergenC and Tylenol Sinus that Nurse Cristina dropped off when she came to pick up the boys, who just had to have Abuela’s special pasta and whatevah before they left.

All the while Tio Henry is in the Refuge trying to concentrate on his WarCraft Video game with Jonathan jabbering in the background causing him to lose half the battle.   David on the other hand is wrapped in blankets, shivering in front of a blaring kids show on TV.

When they finally leave he proceeds to spray the whole house with Lysol, guzzling another round of EmergenC, gargling with Peroxide and Salt water and swearing that he WILL NOT GET SICK before his vacation starts as well.

Yeah… this will be another one for the records, hopefully she can ward off most of this by morning but HE doesn’t think so.  It’s gonna be a loooonnnnggg, sniffely flight.

As HE guzzles an EmergenC himself in lieu of the purported healing properties of Dewars.

Pray for NO Departure CHAOS, and the next note coming from A’dam.  Then again, Ya Never Know…

Ciao 4 Now

Uncle Chuck & The Watery Eyed, Sniffling,

Dragon Lady

DEPARTURE CHAOS [OF COURSE]

Yup… the post title only tells half the tale.  Yes, they got outta Dodge, relatively un-scathed and with little if no drama.

Well, almost that is if you don’t count that first:

SHE woke up with a full blown, nose dribbling, sinus aching, watery eyed, mind numbing case of whatever the grand-sons have and then some.

So after HE made another sortie to Walgreens for some Pepto-Bismol and more cold relief stuff, it was time to tend to most of the pre-exit gathering of the “Stuff”, make her salt-water, peroxide gargle, administer appropriate cold relief medication, roust Henry to Uber us to the airport, etc…etc…etc.

Now the trip to FLL was uneventful with Henry making Chucky nutz since He drives like a little old lady…

OK, OK… like a “Real” truck driver, obeying the speed limit [if not a tad under] and just noodling along. 

And arrival at FLL was uneventful until…

they got to the TSA PreCheck line where of course the sharp eyed and Quite Stern Lady TSA Agent spotted his “over-stuffed” [not by his standards] LUGgage and proceeded to instruct him to try cramming it into their “measuring device”.  Which of course forced him to shuffle “stuff” between the other carry-ons until Lovely TSA Lady gave up watching the struggle and waived him on.  Wellll HE does sigh a lot during these exercises… if for nothing else than comic relief, it Does make DL Chuckle watching his act.

Then it was on the, “Let’s Check your Id and Boarding Pass Guy, who had some proper jokes about not forgetting to dump any water,

   “Airports don’t like water.”

Seriously!?!

Then on to the Security Scanner thingy, which of course picked up the little packet of tools that he always carries… JUST IN CASE [don’t laugh… they saved a damaged suitcase wheel in China, and the same wheel again on a trip to a family reunion] soooo it was over to the unpack it all, explosive scan and overall, glare at the passenger while sorting through the LUGgage table.  Pretty much what Chucky expected from past experience.  Although the tiny medical sized hammer he has carried on the past 5 trips all of a sudden was too long to travel, so it stayed  with the TSA at Fll while he and DL proceeded to the boarding gate for the flight to JFK… 

After they had to unpack and re-scan the other bag with all the medications, electronics, laptop etc… 

   "Too much electronics for the Scanner Thingy to see right"

Says Jovial TSA bag Check guy.

A first for sure, must be all this stuff about laptop bombs.

On the way to Gate D1 as indicated in his FlyDelta APP, HE gets a text from Delta of a gate change directing them to Gate D2, so they head over there and find a spot to wait for the bus.

Of course now HE just has to wander over to the check-in desk to see if all is on time when he notices that D2 is headed to Cincinnati… WTF? 

Now another text comes in with another gate change, back to D1. Not an issue until he notices the sign at D1 announcing that they are now boarding their ZONE.  Now it’s a mad dash to get aboard in time to have enough space to stuff their “Stuff” in the overhead… only to find that this flight is headed to Atlanta.  WTF X 2!!!

After sorting it out with the gate agent, that this flight is indeed headed to Atlanta, but HIS BUS will use this gate later, they settle in at GAte D1, only to get ANOTHER text advising that the BUS is delayed and they may miss their connection at JFK.  WTF x 3!!!

Another confab with the Delightful Gate agent sets him at ease that while late getting to FLL the Bus Driver will make up time in the air on the way to JFK and they WILL make the connection.  This of course with fingers crossed as they have to take a shuttle from JFK terminal 2 to terminal 4 and then hustle to the departing gate, halfway to THE OTHER END of LONG ISLAND!!!  Oh Joy!

Then comes the announcement:

   “Would Passengers Mercurio come to the desk with their passports?”

WTF X 4!!!

That’s when he remembered that the last time they connected with an international flight they got stopped at the gate for a passport check. And of course… HER passport goes through, but HIS buzzes the machine.

WTF X 5!!!

   “Oooppps.”

Goes Delightful but not so nimble of finger Gate Agent guy.

   “I keyed in the wrong expiration date… sorry.”

As Chucky came down from the ceiling with a “Wheewwww” and hearty thank you to the much Chagrinned Gate agent, for letting his Heart resume normal cadence.

Since this is being composed in-flight and the snacks and wine trolley is coming down the aisle, we'll pick this up later… if there is a later.

Forget the wine… Do you have Dewars Maam?

Ciao 4 Now

Uncle Chuck & The still groggy,

Dragon Lady

DEPARTURE {CHAOS?!?} PART DEUX

We last found our favorite U-turning, wine sipping, Amsterdam bound Wackos aboard the bus… er…uhhh, plane to JFK, but was the rest of the FLL Gate changing saga uneventful?

Welllll, kinda-sorta… considering the bus was late and the gate agents were scrambling to get as many travelers have their carry-ons checked in to expedite a quick turn-around once it arrived.  This particular ballet was amusing in that:

Traveler A bit on the offer only to spend 5 minutes trying to understand what would happen to his bag,

While traveler B walked up, handed over the bag and almost walked away without the claim-check,

and traveler C walked back and forth from his party of 5 and the gate with one-bag-at-a-time. [As if the 3 teenagers with him couldn’t help with this exercise].  Oh wait… did I say they were teens, of course, what got into me… they just couldn’t look up from there electronics to help poor sweating dad.

Well, the bus arrived 5 minutes ahead of its late schedule but getting passengers off was a chore in that they had 3 wheelchair assists that insisted in getting off first which held up the rest of the busload so a rapid turnaround seemed doomed, but the hearty gate agents persevered, got the cleanup crew hustling and when boarding was announced, didn’t bother to check the zones as the huddled masses at Gate D1 charged forward like a fevered fan-mob charging the stage at a Justin Beiber concert when they heard free tickets for next year…

With Chucky in the lead. Hey, he wanted to insure a spot for his “Stuff”, as the ever watchful flight attendant suspiciously eyed his overstuffed [he had rearranged it all after leaving TSA] LUGgage being jammed into the “Tiny” overhead bins, but he prevailed, and was strapped in before the main rush hit his section.

Take off was another thing with our late bus now #8 in line for blast off but once the driver made the last turn, it was Rocket time and they were Blazing Off Into the Wild Blue Yonder… or sumpin’ like that.

The Flight crew wasted no time in heading down the aisle with “coffee, tea, my roommate or me” [Oh wait, that was in the ‘60’s on National and Eastern airlines,] all they offered now was coffee, water, coke and those tiny little packets of funky pretzels.

Now the next challenge for our fun-loving duo was how to navigate the transfer from terminal 2 to terminal 4 at JFK, not knowing how far there arrival gate was from gate C60 where the shuttle busses would load for the “6 minute” trip [so it said online] and how much time the crew in the front could make up in the air so the Wacky American Tourist and Ever-Lovely Dragon Lady could make their connection.

Well now Dear Hearts, since the previous post was composed onboard the flight to A’dam, you can surmise that, They Made IT!!! HUZZAH [Aww common with the HUZZAH stuff]

Their arrival gate was C62, the hustle to the Bus at Gate C60 was fairly easy, the transfer to gate B18 “7 Minutes” with a short walk to Gate B24, [not quite out near the Hamptons] and all was well in his nervous little world., until…

Uhh… before this gets too long, you'll just have to wait for Part Trois for:

The Rest Of The Depareture Chaos Saga.

Ohhhh you're gonna love the next one.

Uhhh, Scotch please.

Ciao 4 Now

Uncle Chuck & The still foggy and groggy,

Dragon Lady